Home

Our family returned to the states the evening of January 26^th.  The journey was long and exhausting and even started off with an unexpected twist at Heathrow Airport.  There was a computer glitch due to a previously booked/canceled flight, so we got the pleasure of arriving to the airport with two young children and TWENTY bags, only to find out we were not booked for our flight.  “Sorry sir, no room at the Inn for you.”  After about 30 minutes of watching some very panicked and scurrying AA customer service people bust their behinds, the issue was mostly resolved.  We could fly stand-by and would be on the flight if one more person didn’t show.  Well of course that didn’t happen, so we were placed on the next flight that left three hours later.  I’m thankful we at least GOT a flight, but my immediate thoughts went to: “Oh great, another three hours with no real food for me.  Another three hours of horrid smells and chemical crap invading my airways.  And another three hours traveling with two young children (one of which was quite ill).”  But we made it.  We’re home.  But what does home look like?  What does home FEEL like after being away for 6.5 months? 

Home looks HUGE.  Home feels STRANGE.  Home is not exactly home.  Not for me, anyway.  Sadly, home is a place I will become more familiar with than I could have ever thought possible.  Over the next weeks, months, and possibly years, I will get to know the physical structure in which I reside, on a level of which few would ever consider.  Right now, home is literally poisoning me.  Home is an enemy, but home will slowly evolve into an acquaintance, and hopefully a trusted friend. 

Stop. Wait a minute.  “What is this crazy woman talking about?”

Okay, so remember how I explained that corn is in everything, right?  Well it appears as though the chemically derived corn compounds I previously mentioned in my first blog, have become a very, very big problem for me.  Chemicals derived from corn, which are basically everything, be it hand soaps, perfumes, fabric softeners, etc. have bothered me for years. However, these former annoyances have now turned into debilitating and life threatening issues. 

During our last few months in England, I noticed myself becoming increasingly sensitive to chemical odors.  The cleaning agents used by the cleaning company hired to clean the stairwell in our five story apartment building could incapacitate me.  When they came, I had to barricade myself into our apartment, shove towels under the two doors and wait for them to leave.  After they left, I held my breath and ran into the stairwell to open windows.  Opening windows would eventually help, but regardless, those two days out of each month would cause me great pain.  During the last few weeks of our stay, I could no longer go into my oldest child’s room due to some craft projects, makeup, hidden fragrance jar, blankets washed in fabric softener (not belonging to us), etc.  Sadly, during the last week, I also became allergic to our friends’ house.  Fabric softener was a large part of the issue, but there were many others, some I will never even know about.

Okay, deep breath . . . you can do this.  This next paragraph is hard.  REALLY HARD.

“No tears, MizCastle.  Be logical. Just say it like it is.”

I’m allergic to all of you.  I’m allergic to your homes.  I’m allergic to the inside of every structure.  I’m allergic to my own basement and other parts of my home still bother me.  7.5 years worth of candles, carpet powder, chemical products, bug exterminator, etc. are wreaking havoc.  Your homes are just like mine, though in most cases, even more fragranced.  Your fabric softener, hair gel, shampoo, hand lotion, etc. also renders me ill. Even some cooked foods and brewed coffees sicken me.  (Coffee beans are often coated in (corn) dextrose before roasting, btw.)  By ill, I mean within five minutes of inhaling the chemical particles, my throat tightens and swells, I become light headed, coughing can start, and even yawning as my body requires more oxygen.  If I’m exposed long enough, exhaustion sets in, I experience “brain fog,” and often times, a headache/migraine.  I can also become anxious, irritable and confused. 

To be honest, with regards to my reactions, I don’t even think it matters if the chemical/chemical compound is technically derived from corn, though nearly everything is.  And don’t forget, you won’t see corn listed on the label of most corn derived chemical products.  Many cleaning products don’t even list the active and inactive ingredients.  My body has become so weak from over 12 years of auto immune diseases (more in a future blog), that it now rejects and becomes almost instantly sickened by nearly any chemical exposure. 

To be more helpful to those struggling with a corn allergy and to those interested in following my journey, I’ve provided a list of corn ingredients, derivatives, and additives (see page at top).  I’m sure it’s not a complete list, as new chemicals are introduced into our products all of the time, but I think it illustrates the point I’m trying to make and will repeat over and over again: Corn is omnipresent!  And chemicals, of any sort, whether YOU smell them or not, are also omnipresent in modern life.

So, where do I go from here?

I continue to fight to get better.  Is this rock bottom?  I don’t know.  My life certainly isn’t in a place where I ever expected it to go.  Chasing improved health and relief from chronic symptoms is nothing new to me; being allergic to my own home and the entire world certainly is.  No one would live like this unless they had to. I am home bound and I HAVE to live like this in order TO live.  Along with my husband’s help, we will deCORNtaminate our home to the best of our ability.  I will continue to pour myself into more research on corn, corn derivatives, food and chemical allergies.  I also plan to seek advice from the holistic health clinic that diagnosed me.  This process will likely take months, and possibly years, but I have faith that one day I will feel better . . . and better. . . and better . . .